Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender identity, sex, religion, sexual orientation or ethnicity. However, statistics show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women.

Domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence and can include a range of abusive behaviours. It can also be experienced as repeated patterns of abusive behaviour to maintain power and control in a relationship.  It is an incident, or pattern of incidents, between people aged over 16 who are a partner, ex-partner, a relative or someone you have, or have had a parental relationship with.

Children under the age of 18 years who see, or hear, or experience the effects of the abuse, as a victim of domestic abuse if they are related or have a parental relationship to the adult victim or perpetrator of the abuse.

Types of domestic abuse

  • Psychological/emotional abuse: Includes name-calling, threats and manipulation, blaming you for the abuse or ‘gaslighting’ you.
  • Coercive control: When an abuser uses a pattern of behaviour over time to exert power and control. It is a criminal offence.
  • Physical abuse: This isn’t only hitting. He might restrain you or throw objects. He might pinch or shove you and claim it’s a ‘joke’.
  • Tech abuse: He might send abusive texts, demand access to your devices, track you with spyware, or share images of you online.
  • Economic abuse: Controlling your access to money or resources. He might take your wages, stop you working, or put you in debt without your knowledge or consent
  • Sexual abuse: This doesn’t have to be physical. He might manipulate, deceive or coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do.

Find out more about how to identify abuse and where to get support. Domestic abuse is part of violence against women and girls, which also includes different forms of family violence such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation (FGM) and so-called ‘honour-based crimes’ that are committed by family members, and often with multiple perpetrators. Click on the links below to learn more about these.

Forced marriage / Honour-based crimes / FGM

Supporting a survivor

It can be hard to know how to support a friend or loved one who is experiencing domestic abuse. Your first instinct may be to protect her, but intervening directly can be dangerous for you and her. There are ways you can help though.

Create a safe space. Make sure you speak in private. Make it clear you won’t judge. Only then might she feel safe enough to open up.

Tell her you’re worried. Try “You haven’t seemed yourself lately. Is there anything you want to talk about? Is everything OK at home?”

Take her seriously. Listen. Believe her. Women are often dismissed. They’re told he seems like a nice guy, or a great dad. Trust what she says.

Tell her it’s not her fault. Your friend might blame herself. Tell her she is not to blame. He alone is responsible.

Don’t judge her. Don’t ask why she hasn’t left or judge her choices. Instead, build her confidence and focus on her strengths.

Remind her she’s not alone. She may have been deliberately isolated. Say you are there for her, and that there are solutions and that support is available.

Encourage her to contact us. Reassure her that she can contact us 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Help her find out about her rights and options.

Give her time. It might take a long time before she confides in you. Be patient. Recognising the problem is the first step.

If you’re worried about someone you care about, learn more about how you can support them.

Domestic abuse in young relationships

Domestic abuse isn’t just abuse that occurs between married people in a home, it can happen to anyone, including young people in their intimate relationships. Young people are especially vulnerable particularly when they are entering into their first relationships. What they experience can really define and shape what they come to think of as healthy behaviour between people in a relationship.

Several independent studies have shown that 40% of teenagers are in abusive dating relationship. Research from the University of Bristol and the NSPCC shows that...

  • 25% of girls aged 13-17, and 17% of boys, have experienced the use of physical force (pushing, slapping, hitting or being held down) in a relationship
  • 72% of girls and 51% of boys had experienced emotional violence (most commonly “being made fun of” and “constantly being checked up on”)
  • More than 25% of domestic violence cases involve technology-facilitated abuse of children

Overwhelmingly, young people keep these incidents within their peer group, talking to friends rather than to parents or carers or to other adults.

Visit Reducing the Risk's website for more information on spotting the signs of domestic abuse in young relationships, and how to support survivors.

What to do if you suspect someone is a victim. 

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If you suspect that someone you know is being abused in their relationship, there are a number of options, find out more here.  

If you are at all concerned about the safety or welfare of a child as a result of the domestic abuse, get in touch with their school who can investigate safeguarding concerns.  You could also report concerns to the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000.

We’ve compiled a range of free campaign materials that you can use to educate and inform your community. Help people recognise the signs of domestic abuse, either as a victim themselves or as someone close to a victim. Click here to access the toolkit.