Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender identity, sex, religion, sexual orientation or ethnicity. However, statistics show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women.
Across England and Wales, 1 in 4 women will experience abuse in their lifetime and on average, one woman is killed by an abusive partner or ex every five days. *
*https://refuge.org.uk/what-is-domestic-abuse/
Domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence and can include a range of abusive behaviours*. It can also be experienced as repeated patterns of abusive behaviour to maintain power and control in a relationship. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 defines domestic abuse as any incident or pattern of incidents between those aged 16 years and over who:
- are a partner
- are an ex-partner
- are a relative
- have, or there has been a time when they each have had, a parental relationship in relation to the same child
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 outlines the following behaviours as abuse:
- physical or sexual abuse
- violent or threatening behaviour
- controlling or coercive behaviour
- economic abuse
- psychological, emotional, or other abuse
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises children under the age of 18 years who see, or hear, or experience the effects of the abuse, as a victim of domestic abuse if they are related or have a parental relationship to the adult victim or perpetrator of the abuse.
*The Office for National Statistics
Definitions and types of domestic abuse*
- Psychological/emotional abuse: Includes name-calling, threats and manipulation, blaming you for the abuse or ‘gaslighting’ you.
- Coercive control: When an abuser uses a pattern of behaviour over time to exert power and control. It is a criminal offence.
- Physical abuse: This isn’t only hitting. He might restrain you or throw objects. He might pinch or shove you and claim it’s a ‘joke’.
- Tech abuse: He might send abusive texts, demand access to your devices, track you with spyware, or share images of you online.
- Economic abuse: Controlling your access to money or resources. He might take your wages, stop you working, or put you in debt without your knowledge or consent
- Sexual abuse: This doesn’t have to be physical. He might manipulate, deceive or coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do.
*https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/how-to-identify-abuse/
Violence against women and girls
Domestic abuse is part of violence against women and girls, which also includes different forms of family violence such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation (FGM) and so-called ‘honour-based crimes’ that are committed by family members, and often with multiple perpetrators. Click on the links below to learn more about these.
Forced marriage / Honour-based crimes FGM
Supporting a survivor*
It can be hard to know how to support a friend or loved one who is experiencing domestic abuse. Your first instinct may be to protect her, but intervening directly can be dangerous for you and her. There are ways you can help though.
What can I do to help?
Create a safe space. Make sure you speak in private. Make it clear you won’t judge. Only then might she feel safe enough to open up.
Tell her you’re worried. Try “You haven’t seemed yourself lately. Is there anything you want to talk about? Is everything OK at home?”
Take her seriously. Listen. Believe her. Women are often dismissed. They’re told he seems like a nice guy, or a great dad. Trust what she says.
Tell her it’s not her fault. Your friend might blame herself. Tell her she is not to blame. He alone is responsible.
Don’t judge her. Don’t ask why she hasn’t left or judge her choices. Instead, build her confidence and focus on her strengths.
Remind her she’s not alone. She may have been deliberately isolated. Say you are there for her, and that there are solutions and that support is available.
Encourage her to contact us. Reassure her that she can contact us 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Help her find out about her rights and options.
Give her time. It might take a long time before she confides in you. Be patient. Recognising the problem is the first step.
*https://refuge.org.uk/what-is-domestic-abuse/support-someone-i-know-who-is-being-abused/
Domestic Abuse in young relationships
Domestic abuse isn’t just abuse that occurs between married people in a home, it can happen to anyone, including young people in their intimate relationships. Young people are especially vulnerable particularly when they are entering into their first relationships. What they experience can really define and shape what they come to think of as healthy behaviour between people in a relationship.
Several independent studies have shown that 40% of teenagers are in abusive dating relationship. Research from the University of Bristol and the NSPCC shows that...
- 25% of girls aged 13-17, and 17% of boys, have experienced the use of physical force (pushing, slapping, hitting or being held down) in a relationship
- 72% of girls and 51% of boys had experienced emotional violence (most commonly “being made fun of” and “constantly being checked up on”)
- More than 25% of domestic violence cases involve technology-facilitated abuse of children
Overwhelmingly, young people keep these incidents within their peer group, talking to friends rather than to parents or carers or to other adults.
Visit Reducing the Risk's website for more information on spotting the signs of domestic abuse in young relationships, and how to support survivors.
What to do if you suspect someone is a victim
If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused in their relationship, there are a number of options open to you. As a concerned friend of neighbour, you can report your concerns to the police or the specialist organisations below, but exercise caution when doing so. Making a report on the victim’s behalf may not be safe, can be very disempowering for them and can result in consequences for the victim that you cannot foresee. If possible, try talking to the victim about the abuse in a safe and confidential space, and signpost them to help and support.
If you are at all concerned about the safety or welfare of a child as a result of the domestic abuse, you can get in touch with their school who can investigate safeguarding concerns. You could also report your concerns to the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000.
Evidence shows that if you directly ask someone whether they are suffering domestic abuse, rather than waiting for them to bring it up, they are more likely to talk about it. And people are much more likely to confide in a friend or someone close to them, than to the police or professional services. The most important thing is to listen, believe and provide support. It is very important not to try and take control of their situation. You should also be aware that when a victim leaves an abusive relationship, that can be the most dangerous time for them, so they should plan that very carefully.
Do not confront the abuser. Do not do anything that may endanger you, the victim or their children.
Click here for more advice about broaching the subject with someone you think may be being abused.
If you are worried about someone, or experiencing domestic abuse, you can always call the Freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, run by Refuge, for help and advice on what to do. The number is 0808 2000 247. The Helpline is a confidential service and can provide support, information and signposting to local domestic abuse services.
What will happen?
If the police become involved, they should always investigate and may arrest or bring charges against the abuser, if there is sufficient evidence.
Even if there is not enough evidence to charge someone with committing a crime, there are a range of protection options available, including a Domestic Violence Protection Order, which can ban the perpetrator from returning to a residence and contacting the victim for up to 28 days. This allows the victim a level of breathing space to consider their options, with the help of a support agency. Longer-term measures to keep victims safe are also available to courts, such as an injunction.
Also, since 2014, individuals have had the ‘Right to Ask’ about the offending history of their partner, or person they know. Police have the power to disclose previous violent offences and spent convictions, with the aim of protecting potential victims.
Toolkit
To help you raise awareness among your community about domestic abuse and how to spot the signs, we’ve compiled a range of free campaign materials that you can use to educate and inform people in your neighbourhood. These resources will help people recognise the signs of domestic abuse, either as a victim themselves or as someone close to a victim.
Click here to access the toolkit.